Tag: poems

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THERE ARE NO RULES IN WAR

I remember the green-patterned fabric
of the smoke-enhanced sofa
that we used to spend hours on
in the most horizontal position possible,
and how you told me to ignore
the sound of the pocket watch you had,
as it ticked from seven to eight to nine,
and I knew it’s that time now,
when my face will be buried
in those red-stitched flowers of a thick quilt.
It was like waiting for a permission
to tear the wrapping
off the present
just to find out
it’s not what you’ve wished for.
My mind is good at keeping
little unimportant details about the past.
I remember a frayed label on your black sweatshirt,
and it was the only piece of clothing
that witnessed me going
into a vertical position after a very long time.
You imprinted a permanent habit in me
to always look at men’s shoes,
because you told me
that is the only thing that intimidates them.
Especially,
if they are looking at you
and craving sex.

It was such a good tactic of defense,
I think I knew all shoes in my city.

– Chatty Owl –

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UNCAGED

Do you even realise,
how much I miss your dark eyes
looking at me
and guessing my every thought
correctly?
You were the one,
that set my inner bird free,
turning every bar of my cage
into an opportunity.
And I flew…
I flew like a feathery cloud across skies.
Six times around the world.
And you chased after me
in the most endearing way,
that it turned my single journey
into a trip
with no bad comebacks.
I still remember
how you entered my heart
with music,
and stayed inside
long enough
to make me twitch with pleasure.
I have never experienced anything
greater than that.
Turn around
Turn around, goddamit!
And let me love you again.

– Chatty Owl –

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MUSE

I expand in your thoughts,
like an overflowing river,
that divides east and west
of the universe.
We were always on opposite sides,
as if someone placed us there
to see,
if we would fight an honest battle,
or just nonchalantly ignore
each other’s presence.
I have this unexplainable inkling
to return to your world
with a bang,
to shatter glasses on your desk,
and become the muse
of your sober days.
I want to seduce
your ability to stay awake
for hours, endlessly,
and I want to wet your lips
with my blood
instead of the wine
we used to share from one glass.
I want to be the secret,
that you have hidden away
under floorboards.

I want to do it so much,
I just don’t know how to.

– Chatty Owl –

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CALLUS

My limbs are numb –
your ropes left scars
on my wrists and ankles,
my mind is senseless –
a callused heart,
once pumping love,
now replaced it with hate.
We exchanged words of affection
with anticipation of being happy together,
yet the reality was brutal,
and your hands took more to bruising
than they ever did to taking care of me.
Your fingers pulled my hair
and scratched a branded mark,
as if I was your territory,
when all I wanted to do,
was to feel your warm pulse on my lips,
that throbbed in the rhythm of love.
How naive and submissive I was
to think that desire is measured
in bruised ribs
and the amount of pain I am able to stand.
Like a spider, you crawled on top of me,
depriving me breath,
and when I died in your arms,
it wasn’t a poetic reflection
of love and devotion –
it was the murder of my soul.

– Chatty Owl –

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NEVER YOURS

Senses are suppressed,
dimmed like lights in the hallway,
where I often pace up and down –
it feels like stepping into the mystery of your mind,
and very often I feel a need to explore
the more obvious corners of it.
Exposed patches on the wall
usually hold the biggest secrets.

Half-sided pain
acts like a motivation to deal with this darkness,
that slowly falls on me here.
Seized opportunities on the right,
lost chances on the left,
and I’m balancing on a thin line of
now.

You never faced me,
never stood in front,
you always casually appeared somewhere behind me,
as if you were always scared
to expose your scarred soul.
The irony,
because I know
that you can sense my duality
of a fallen human
and a newly-proclaimed mermaid.

Reality is always fishy,
if you scale it down to little details,
and swallow them like vitamins,
believing that if you take life in small doses,
it will not affect you as much.
Bristle chunks of the past
tickle your conscience mad
and get stuck in the windpipe –
it causes you to reach out for me,
as if I’m your only chance to survive –
a supply of fresh air
underwater,
where I roam in my newly-discovered destiny
as a siren –
a creature of the unknown abyss –
someone too slippery to grasp.

That’s why I’m still,
refusing to turn around,
because I can feel the pain subsiding,
which means only one thing –
I imagined you again.

– Chatty Owl –

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SO FOOLISH

I wish I was a flat shadow,
reflected on pages of your favourite book,
so you could carry me around,
like an imprint of a flower,
that has dried in the heat of your palms,
preserving all the bright colours
that I am.
How often do I wish
to be this fool of a girl,
that is not affected by her own soul
screaming,
and thoughts, that cause insomnia
and madness from within.
It must be liberating
to be so ludicrous,
so I’m asking you
to turn me into one.

– Chatty Owl –

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SEPTEMBER

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I miss you
and the memory
that never happened.
I refused an image of you,
because I knew it will haunt me like
a pirate’s curse.
I’m under your spell,
without you knowing.
I’d like a war, a battle,
that’s more feisty than today,
because right now,
I fight alone,
and you are nowhere near this field.
I want to find you
in the crowd of strangers,
at the station,
and fall to the ground
like a descending autumn colour,
to ask for your forgiveness
once again.
And again.
And a thousand times more.
I played my life
as fair as I could these years,
but nothing came close to wanting
to belong to you
so much.

– Chatty Owl –

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FRUITY

“You are twisted
and your tongue permanently tastes of cherries” –
you say,
but I just tie cherry knots
with my fruit-infused tongue,
and laugh at your complaints
of my unapproved manner.

You collect seashells and listen to them,
when you get home,
and it upsets you,
when I say,
that you’re listening
to the sound of your own blood.
Circulating.

You bite your lip
and draw some of that red juice,
as if proving the point
that I’m wrong.

Well, I’m not.

So I just carry on
twisting my tongue
around those cherry stems.

– Chatty Owl –

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LET LOOSE

You play the victim,
but all I see is an abusive coward,
that murdered my mind and got caught.
Words leave your mouth
(that I used to kiss with such a hunger),
and they evoke anger,
because they taste
of a deliberately provoked jealousy in me.
I answer you
in a series of questions,
that leave my heart aching
(and I instantly regret asking),
so I scream,
in order to drown out answers
that you probably won’t dare to even whisper.
You told me,
that she reminded you of me,
but honey,
every man is a spitting image of you,
I just never gave them the pleasure.
Loyalty is measured
by the ever-growing thickness of the rope
that ties us to each other…
and baby,
I’m cutting you loose.

– Chatty Owl –