"Owls are not what they seem"
I’m invisible.
Observing lives of other people
and picking fragments that I like
to make one of my own.
My sobs are loud,
but get mistaken for a thunder –
feared,
ignored,
dismissed
as something that will eventually pass.
Like a gulp of a windy day
in one’s mouth.
– Chatty Owl –
You occupy my mind
and I can’t resist you,
as I dream of things
that haven’t happened
I’m hiding the things
that I wish had not.
Happiness is in disguise
and I want to rise up,
walk right out that door,
but all I can do
is lock it tight behind me,
just staying in this room
and jumping to conclusions
as you jump all over me
with your words,
and orders.
I want to let go of things
I haven’t yet achieved,
but you are overwhelming
my walls of flesh,
inside,
and I want to walk
barefoot to you,
offering up myself
as a parting gift
of total obedience.
– Chatty Owl –
I slashed my wrists,
because you made my life miserable.
And in response you blamed me
for ruining your carpet.
– Chatty Owl –
A fantasy. A dream
that I woke up from.
My fractured mind wanted you so badly.
Like an injured fox,
I craved you to look at me.
After me.
Through me.
I wanted you to feel me from inside
and
allow me to glow in your spotlight.
To belong to you
is something I’m so scared of.
I want to feel your firm hand,
tender kisses,
strict commands
and your sweet orders.
Yet…
I’m hiding in the cave
with a twisted ankle and an injured heart,
leaving me unable to walk to you
in this dream turned
fantasy.
– Chatty Owl –
Don’t say a word.
Rust
-y
hinges of your perfectly shaped mouth
cry,
but I don’t want those teary words
escaping.
Hug me,
just don’t promise
that
everything will be alright.
I lied
when I said I want you
to tell me what I want to hear –
I don’t really want to listen
to the vacant efforts
that we made once.
Our love is a sad slow dance
in an empty house,
where we twirl each other
towards a cold standstill
of the end.
– Chatty Owl –
Do you even realise,
how much I miss your dark eyes
looking at me
and guessing my every thought
correctly?
You were the one,
that set my inner bird free,
turning every bar of my cage
into an opportunity.
And I flew…
I flew like a feathery cloud across skies.
Six times around the world.
And you chased after me
in the most endearing way,
that it turned my single journey
into a trip
with no bad comebacks.
I still remember
how you entered my heart
with music,
and stayed inside
long enough
to make me twitch with pleasure.
I have never experienced anything
greater than that.
Turn around
Turn around, goddamit!
And let me love you again.
– Chatty Owl –
Gullible sounds of city’s bones
crunch under my heels –
it’s powerful.
But so is your desire for me.
I told you many times,
I’m contagious.
Like a yawn,
that travels in waves of unspoken words,
yet everybody hears them.
Sometimes I wonder,
why can’t I hear you calling my name
anymore,
and then I remember –
I asked you not to.
Yet here I am,
thinking about you again.
And wanting to be touched
by your words –
it’s like a challenging game.
And I like playing.
– Chatty Owl –
I expand in your thoughts,
like an overflowing river,
that divides east and west
of the universe.
We were always on opposite sides,
as if someone placed us there
to see,
if we would fight an honest battle,
or just nonchalantly ignore
each other’s presence.
I have this unexplainable inkling
to return to your world
with a bang,
to shatter glasses on your desk,
and become the muse
of your sober days.
I want to seduce
your ability to stay awake
for hours, endlessly,
and I want to wet your lips
with my blood
instead of the wine
we used to share from one glass.
I want to be the secret,
that you have hidden away
under floorboards.
I want to do it so much,
I just don’t know how to.
– Chatty Owl –
Luke warm sheets
suspend my ankles
as you catch my breath
with your mouth,
and I know
I won’t leave this dream tonight
anything but wet.
– Chatty Owl –
My limbs are numb –
your ropes left scars
on my wrists and ankles,
my mind is senseless –
a callused heart,
once pumping love,
now replaced it with hate.
We exchanged words of affection
with anticipation of being happy together,
yet the reality was brutal,
and your hands took more to bruising
than they ever did to taking care of me.
Your fingers pulled my hair
and scratched a branded mark,
as if I was your territory,
when all I wanted to do,
was to feel your warm pulse on my lips,
that throbbed in the rhythm of love.
How naive and submissive I was
to think that desire is measured
in bruised ribs
and the amount of pain I am able to stand.
Like a spider, you crawled on top of me,
depriving me breath,
and when I died in your arms,
it wasn’t a poetic reflection
of love and devotion –
it was the murder of my soul.
– Chatty Owl –
CHATTYOWL 