"Owls are not what they seem"
Lonely darkness
creeps inside
my
thoughts
about memories
about us
(still) together.
My hand reached out
for
all that is
right
to write
to you,
but I forbid myself
to do so
more times a day
than
breathing.
I needed you
more
than my naive soul
could admit
and spoke about it
less
than my heart
could allow me.
I miss
being an angel.
– Chatty Owl –
I will let myself borrow the music from your life. The tunes, that are always right and make their way into my soul.
Yes, tango. The only dance that makes me weep. No matter how hard I try to keep my face of stone, it just melts me into memories of how I used to…long time ago. If you asked me to show how much I love you in the most intense way, I’d dance for you.
With you.
The speed! The twirl! The affection that just seeps through! Those red ribbons against my skin and firm taps on the floor would proof the love in such a way, it would leave you breathless to ever doubt it. The power! The one that lifts my whole body up and covers me in sweat of the salty passion. The dance, that dismisses all questions and leaves you craving more and more and more. Like a crazy madness of unstoppable speed and imperceptible sadness this two-step brings. The heat, the storm of sensation, that bounces back and tickles the bare triangle of flesh on my back. Your palms, holding me. My nails, leaving marks on your skin as I glide my fingers down your arms. My hair, touching the floor as you let me go and your hot breath on my cheek as we stop. And look at each other. Before resuming this immense act of seduction.
I would dance myself to death to prove my delirious fever I have for you.
– Chatty Owl has left the building –
For my words to make sense, you have to press that PLAY button up there. So go on, do it. Then continue reading…
Long time ago I made few promises. Some of them are broken now, but this one…it was always kept intact and sheltered from getting broken. The promise to always stay truthful to myself and keep my soul free. Mundane things passed me by, day after day, and I managed to keep my head above the water and repeat the promise…like a tantrum…to keep my soul free. To have my mind sane.
Close your eyes. Just close them.
All these years of fake happiness.
Pillows, wet with midnight tears.
Dawn, that came few minutes too soon.
Rays of sun, that haven’t dried those tearful dreams for days.
Plans and expectations alter human behavior.
They cage your actions up and make you follow something different to what your heart screams out to.
All these years of sleeping next to another human body.
The vain perception of love.
You are as wanted as you want another person
with few exceptions to the rule…
One day you have to let your soul live. Free.
You know that gripping feeling in your chest that gets tighter and tighter every time you breathe in?
Yes, that one.
The one, that makes you want to gasp for air, but you have none left around you.
Scream out.
Inhale with all your strength.
Let your soul wander free, even if your body stays just an empty shell of total nothing.
Don’t chase the dream.
Be one.
– Chatty Owl has left the building –
30 steps.
Making a dream closer to reality with every single one you took towards me.
No words. No small talk. Not even a “hi”.
Just closed eyes and very soft kisses. The busy smell of Sunday.
The coffee tasted better off your lips than from a cup.
The most comfortable feeling on the uncomfortable chair.
Yes, you were right. Writing while listening to L. Einaudi can be scary intense.
It is.
But so are my emotions right now.
They haunt me like the kisses on the right side of your stomach.
Turn around.
Turn around!
You left your smell on me and took my heart in return.
And I could not turn around to look at you for the last time.
We are staying solo.
– Chatty Owl has left the building –
I make obscure future plans of the unknown arrangement. I write a diary of thoughts in my own head. So it doesn’t get lost or witnessed by the dirty hands. My whole existence is to belong to you.
“I just want you to know
I’m yours, either way it goes” – ridiculously beautiful song…
– Chatty Owl –
Bon Iver is my mood tonight. Playing on repeat, like a thickening layer of dust. Song by song. Piling up to fill the void I had for years.
It’s so crispy quiet here. I rest my hand just as I rest my colourless thoughts. The only breaker of the silence is the murmur of a conversation. The one that we are having in my head. I’m borrowing your words and adding mine to sentences of yours.
Relaxed and calm I watch the ashes fall so gracefully on the floor. Your motivation, like if by magic of the fairy-dust, has woken up unchartered waters of imagination. The vivid one, that’s running wild.
It’s burning. Smoking hot. More ashes on the ground, more words, that grow in quantity in the enormous speed of time. The sentences pile up like powder on the floor. The pattern of the conversation changes, the accents merge, fusing together.
It will burn down. With sizzling sound and rising smoke. To the very end, where all that’s left will be the empty grip of my hand and traces on the floor. Like an intact reminder of those words that we seesaw between us. That went up in flames.
Emotions stripped bare naked. No more mystery of the uncovered secrets. In shades of black and white. The choice is there, to merge it into daily mush of grey or paint the colours back again.
– Chatty Owl has left the building –
I set a trap. With cheese and chocolate drizzle that I lick off my fingers. I’m always oh so forward and blunt, but this time it’s different. A subtle trap to lure them in. Unspoken promises of peach-soft skin and exposed collar bones. Vivid imagination of what you’ll get as a prize. A way to make a mess of me. To violate my softness with your rough hands.
And then I wait. With patience and a hint of shy excitement. I wait some more, just to be greeted with a fact that trap has failed.
They say that women have the 6th sense. I’m not so sure about it. But I can assure you that men definitely do. They know when one’s intentions are not genuine.
– Chatty Owl has left the building –
Some things happen by pure accident. You notice people around you and some of them just glue their portraits in your mind. Hazel colours, surprisingly pleasant smiles, inviting stubble and kissable lips. Sometimes you’re just too fascinated by those untameable features and cocky prejudiced opinions. You pinch your courage and let the conversation flow. It’s just that sometimes… it just doesn’t. You thought the chemistry would be there, right? Ha, it was left outside in the cold! And all you’re left with now is speechless talk to soothe you down to boredom.
You looked so terribly uncomfortable and disappointed. I should have saved you by just standing up to leave. Your scruffiness suited you so much, but that dry kiss just made things awkward.
Minutes pass in their own snaily pace. Me and you. We weren’t intrigued nor interested as such. I lied I was, I’m sure you did too. Who will be the first to call off all those rendezvous to come? Initiate it if you dare.
– Chatty Owl has left the building –
I get hooked on one song and play it on the loop until I cannot listen to it anymore. Ever. Like a weird drug addict to powerful tunes. Just like now. I’m mouthing words in silence and listen to them echoing inside me. I’m like Martini. A bit shaken and stirred. By emotions.
Maybe people shouldn’t fall in love with me. They should get over me.
– Chatty Owl has left the building –
Eyes. Tartan green.
Conversations. Mirrored with my mind.
Time. Not enough of it.
Sometimes I jump the gun and make silly decisions on the spot. Well, not really decisions, more like actions, dictated by some impulse of wild instinct.
Sometimes people are put off by it.
I hope you’re not.
I’d like to show myself in a different light next time. Maybe you will like me better.
 Turn around, bright eyes…. As Bonnie was singing.
 – Chatty Owl has left the building –
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CHATTYOWL 