"Owls are not what they seem"
The first yawn of the day
The breaking point of the new morning
Alone in bed
But thoughts are full of you
(As is my mouth sometimes)
I stretch along
I feel the shivers down my spine
The memories of night before are kicking in
I kiss the air
The way I would have kissed you
And all my body fits in that one kiss
You’ve got my taste
Your mouth is full of me
– Chatty Owl has left the building –
Rough cat-like tongue
The sounds of nibbled flesh,
Damp kisses and the traced arousal
You pick the patches of my skin
And make them soak the passion up.
You fuck my soul
Inside and out
The same way that you eat your way towards me.
The fingers. Clenched.
Nails dig into my palm and cause my anger.
The wrists. Held tight.
I’m over-used and under-fucked
No words are said
Yet arching joints communicate with one another
I grab my vividness of ditched imagination
The lips are cursing and the brain just sends the impulse of the twitching soul
I shout out loud yet all you hear is dripping noise of leaking pleasure.
You scrunched the corners of my mind into a ball of sticky memories of you.
– Chatty Owl has left the building –
– Did you just take a picture of me?!
– Ummmm is that a problem?
– It will be, if you’ll refuse to grab a coffee with me.
– Chatty Owl has left the building –
An open casket.
Eyes wide shut.
I’m standing, looking at your face.
So peaceful, so serene now.
The lips curled up a tiny little bit…
That’s how you left us –
with a sarcastic smile to let us know
that you have won.
I miss the giggles,
Scrambled eggs.
The smell of root beer in the back yard
and endless talks about the past.
I miss the fire place.
The colours of the chess board.
The photographs in sepia brown.
I miss the future –
the place which won’t be shared with me by you.
You left me with the coldest kiss of death.
– Chatty Owl has left the building –
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tijuana panthers in the background
i swallow my pride the same way i used to swallow you –
with pleasure
honesty is never the best policy, but today i’m bending the rules
the way i used to bend for you
i’ll be blunt
there were days, when i thought i will never get enough of you
those days were filled with foreign lust and aching longing
gone
i haven’t thought about you for days
– Chatty Owl has left the building –
Praise me. About everything and anything, so I could justify my urge to bask in the light of my pride and vanity.
Love me. Sweetly and truly, so I could envy you for being able to just feel that.
Kiss me. So I could kiss you back and get obsessed with how those lips just lock together. I want to never get enough of this and feel how gluttony really feels like.
Look at me. With that spark in the eye, so I could lust for you and fall asleep with dirty kinky thoughts that have no shame.
Abandon me. (But please, don’t mean it). So just enough to make me fume and let my anger out in bursts of orange fire.
Please me. Slow and rough. The way that only you know how to. And make me greedy for some more and more, to the infinity.
Spoil me. Stupid. So I just lie there lifeless and with no determination to wake up. Ever.
I live my life in tiny little circles. As weeks go by with endless repetitions of the seven, so are my sins. Some deadly ones. They orbit my existence in this magic number and I enjoy it.
You are my biggest deadly sin above them all though…
– Chatty Owl has left the building –
I make obscure future plans of the unknown arrangement. I write a diary of thoughts in my own head. So it doesn’t get lost or witnessed by the dirty hands. My whole existence is to belong to you.
“I just want you to know
I’m yours, either way it goes” – ridiculously beautiful song…
– Chatty Owl –
These words of mine are not for you,
they are for me.
To sulk in my own misery
of thoughts.
To get it off my chest
and wipe the sheet of days
white-clean again.
I’m restless.
Pacing.
Overwhelmed.
I’m longing for your words
in sounds of sadness,
tunes of low.
Oh how I loved it –
being cold.
And brutal.
And sadistic.
I found content in all of that.
Before, not now.
Today I’m over-ruled
by you.
That hint of arrogance in low-toned voice.
The pinch of sadness in those sentences that reach me.
I’m over-ruled by you,
completely.
I’m obsessed.
And yearning for your presence deep within me.
– Chatty Owl –
I walk around the busy streets of London. The damp smell of old bricks, the rusty touch of iron gates and moldy memories of years gone. I feel at home. Like a dancer on the floor I swirl around, head held high and I can’t help but notice stares and gazes at me. I remember how I used to love dancing.
High tones, low notes.
High heels, low dresses.
Sounds of tango and the noise of dancing shoes. Sweaty bodies, fiery eyes and dizzy heads after a while. The power of music (just like the touch of those hands on my back) used to dig deep under my skin and leave me breathless on the floor. Horizontal.
I miss all this.
The passion to dance.
The passion to kiss.
The passion to make spontaneous decisions.
– Chatty Owl has left the building –
Relationships. Friendships. The invisible thread that connects two people. How does our brain single out a person in a crowd and send the vibes to form some kind of friendship? There are millions of people that are in our every day lives. We brush our shoulders against them on a train, we exchange glances in the street and only some of them make their way into our lives. What is that connecting bridge that makes us click with some and not the others?
I had people in my life that were nothing but the best for me. Attentive, caring, willing to move mountains for me. As friends. As lovers. As people. But the feeling wasn’t there. No matter how hard I tried to give them a chance to make their way into the deepest corners of my mind, I just couldn’t make it happen. And there were situations like these that gave me the reputation that I have now. Cold-hearted. Spoiled. Vain and arrogant. Selfish. And I guess I am like that to some extent, but because that mental connection, that electric thread that connects me with those people, is not working.
I grew up always feeling that I’m letting people down. I’m hurting them. I’m taking them for granted and toying with them like a spoiled brat. It used to really get me down, making me think that I’m really made of stone and should warm up to the society more. That I should stop being this monstrous beast that is living the life of hurting the others. Should get my heart broken for once. (Still hasn’t happened yet). But I just couldn’t relate to the majority of the society. I couldn’t link to those little soldiers of human population.
And here I am. A third of my life gone already. The sea of people still floating around my shores and I’m making my way through them. Unaware of  their glances. Oblivious to their willingness towards me.  But then the ironic reality bites me in the ass. I get sucked into a social network of modern civilization, where that mental wire, that connection, is thrust upon me in such a shock, I’m left speechless. My brain made me single out a person, that I’ve never met in my life. The connection was just there. It worked. Clicked.
And so there is. A new friendship of untouchable being.
– Chatty Owl has left the building –
CHATTYOWL 