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ADAM AND A FUCKING EVE

The most immense, immeasurable self-seduction

I die three times a minute and wake up just to get killed again

By the strongest passion  humanity has ever known

You pin emotions down against the wall and smack them

Hit

Spank the last feeling out of them

(Until there is nothing left of it)

Own me

Crawl inside me, place your whole being under my skin and live there

Permanently

Dilute my soul with your body and make a whole new being

I want the human race erased and us to start all over

Like Adam and the fucking Eve

The naked flesh,  the naked souls and sinful lusts

I want a mesh of these two bodies become the guilty snake of the humanity

I’m fighting feeling of a total anger

The one, that hits the darkest places of my twisted mind and makes the thoughts into perverted actions of desire

I have no shame

No stopping sign or line that needs not to be crossed

We make the room spin round around us

A total trans, the beauty of us both

(Electrified times hundred)

I want to use you

Rub the surface clean and make you into a cloud of dust

Until there’s nothing left of you

Of us

Until it all just stays to be the memory of our new beginning

– Chatty Owl has left the building –

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FREE


For my words to make sense, you have to press that PLAY button up there. So go on, do it. Then continue reading…

Long time ago I made few promises. Some of them are broken now, but this one…it was always kept intact and sheltered from getting broken. The promise to always stay truthful to myself and keep my soul free. Mundane things passed me by, day after day, and I managed to keep my head above the water and repeat the promise…like a tantrum…to keep my soul free. To have my mind sane.

Close your eyes. Just close them.

All these years of fake happiness.

Pillows, wet with midnight tears.

Dawn, that came few minutes too soon.

Rays of sun, that haven’t dried those tearful dreams for days.

Plans and expectations alter human behavior.

They cage your actions up and make you follow something different to what your heart screams out to.

All these years of sleeping next to another human body.

The vain perception of love.

You are as wanted as you want another person

with few exceptions to the rule…

One day you have to let your soul live. Free.

You know that gripping feeling in your chest that gets tighter and tighter every time you breathe in?

Yes, that one.

The one, that makes you want to gasp for air, but you have none left around you.

Scream out.

Inhale with all your strength.

Let your soul wander free, even if your body stays just an empty shell of total nothing.

Don’t chase the dream.

Be one.

– Chatty Owl has left the building –

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SOLO


30 steps.

Making a dream closer to reality with every single one you took towards me.

No words. No small talk. Not even a “hi”.

Just closed eyes and very soft kisses. The busy smell of Sunday.

The coffee tasted better off your lips than from a cup.

The most comfortable feeling on the uncomfortable chair.

Yes, you were right. Writing while listening to L. Einaudi can be scary intense.

It is.

But so are my emotions right now.

They haunt me like the kisses on the right side of your stomach.

Turn around.

Turn around!

You left your smell on me and took my heart in return.

And I could not turn around to look at you for the last time.

We are staying solo.

– Chatty Owl has left the building –

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DEAD

It rained all night –

Expected wetness of the unexpected matter

(it had to be so very very different)

I wiped my tears just to be greeted by the even bigger raindrops of misfortune

Birds of feather

Hunting claws

The watchful eyes that never met the stare of one another

I never had someone so fucking near…

But out of reach in indescribable affair of a lifetime

I want to hate you

For being so imperfectly amazing

I want to hate you

For belonging to somebody else

I want to hate you

For always saying words in perfect order

Instead of that…

I change this hating into love.

– Chatty Owl has left the building –

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POWER

the feeling of this never-ending fall

you got me caught

i’m like a squirming fish, swallowed your bait

the foreign tongue twirls round in promises of nothing

that’s what i like the most – (un)truth

just as you said…

no questions asked, no words that will be spoken

i’ll count the sadness on your skin

and you can lick away my guilty conscience

you are a sinner

so am i

i hide my dirty soul in satin sheets

(they’re white in colour)

to make it up for lack of pureness in my life

(that’s non-existent)

i crave

i squirm

i writhe my way towards the biggest passion – you

i’ll kill your mind and kiss your body better

i’ll heal the wounds on your red flesh

and make new scars in soul of yours

you’re self-destructing, so let me help you

by feeding you those damaging emotions

as your dinner

i’m empty

just like you

i have no soul or mind to give you

but i will offer cheapest gift of all – my body

bruised, neglected

i’ll be your foggy dream of wild emotions

and i will sweat the words of passion

you know,

i’m here to please you

by pleasing just myself

so cry your soul upon the blackest hair of mine

and i will never wash these memories away

– Chatty Owl has left the building –

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COBBLED

I’m in that phase again. When the same song is playing over and over and I get sucked into the memories that haven’t happened yet. The memories, that I’m just busy creating in my head over the events that never took place. Not yet. I write in anger. And under influence of huge amounts of caffeine in my blood. I write when drunk and when the furious bursts of emotion are exploding inside me.

My head, so firmly on the ground. The eyes run miles and miles across the smallest details of those tiny stones. The fragments of the daily being, unnoticed by the passers-by. The sun is setting down and I can smell the odour of the day just gone. It lingers in the air around me, shifting the swirly pattern of my thoughts towards the light in front of me. Imaginary music plays loud in skies above and drips down on me, one inspirational note at a time.

I toss and turn, trying to find the right angle to express myself. The criticism acts like the best drug to try harder. To prove you wrong, to prove me right. To feed my vanity, that has been screaming for some time now.

I turn the music louder and sip some coffee. I only wish for words to go down as easily as that bitter drink of mine. I close my eyes and let it go. I’ll keep you close, if you promise to keep me under the spell of yours.

– Chatty Owl has left the building –

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DISTORTED

Feed me

the reflections of your day,

the three sips of your morning coffee.

Feed me

all these tiny lies and sugar-coated letters.

Oh please just feed me,

fill me to the full

with coloured marbles of your daily nonsense,

with strings of curly thoughts

and smell that keeps on lingering around us.

Feed me

raw red spikes

and bruises in the colours of a rainbow.

I want to be enticed by all of this

and led into my own despair.

The dark cave of reality. Distorted.

– Chatty Owl has left the building –

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CHIPPED

Romance… A chore that works from 9 to 5. Convenient times to suit the needs of greedy people. The ones, that want to gain the most of their boring days at work, indulge in lust and give the fake attention in return.

I’m sick of this. I’m tired to the bone. Of pleasing. Of giving little chipped bits of myself. One owl is not enough for that.

– Chatty Owl has left the building –

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DON’T YOU KNOW, I DIED FOR YOU?

Life, as you know it.
Comfortable, like an old pair of Converses.
It’s easy to get sucked into a living according to the books.
Living out a dream. The one, that’s green in colour and soft to touch.
I despise…
Runny eggs.
Mainstream music.
Coffee without the personal touch.
Bright colours.
While you’re busy indulging in all this, I…
Hum to soft tones that fill my room.
Drink bitter coffee with no milk or sugar.
Watch a movie in a foreign tongue.
Wonder what’s in your backpack.
Peek into the book a stranger is reading on the train.
Over-use the word “the”.
Write letters to strangers.
Dream a dream. The one, that’s red in colour and sharp around the edges.

– Chatty Owl has left the building –