Category: Daily nonsense

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RESIDUE

A second choice,
a backup plan –
like leftovers, still warm on your spoon,
but tasteless –
good only to keep your body alive,
surviving,
but
without any real passion,
that humanity craves so much
(that you crave so much!)
Thats all you get –
residue,
substitute of feelings.
You’ve been living off her love,
but there’s none left any more
for you,
just chucked-outside coldness
and pity feelings –
like trash of the riches.
I know you hurt all over
as if your skin is a reflection
of a bruised soul
and I watch you force yourself
to fall asleep like this –
by waking up with a headache,
that seems so soothing
in comparison.
She has done it.
Not on purpose, yet so effectively.

You left your life for her
and she returned to hers –
without you.

– Chatty Owl –

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SLEEPLESS

I told you how I bite
more than I can chew sometimes
and how
I deliberately don’t sleep at night,
so I could think about
what you are doing
right now
on the other side of the world.
(Stupid time difference).
I want to be with you –
at least like this,
in present time…
They call it insomnia,
I call it obedience
and
being neurotic.

– Chatty Owl –

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JUST ANOTHER DAY

Waiting for seasons to change
is as much fun
as getting your hair stroked
by your own hand –
it’s never as pleasing,
unless somebody else does it.
Naked trees are not the same
as naked bodies,
but it’s all porn to me,
because
I don’t believe in covering up
feelings
that I don’t have for you.
There is no shame
in wanting to forget your name,
but it is unfortunate
to realise
that I already don’t remember it.
(Or maybe I never even knew it?)
just like you never knew
how much I despise flowers in fields
and pots
and vases,
but I smile every time
you attempt to pick them for me,
because
that’s how much I don’t care
to be truthful to you.
“It’s not fair”, I hear you think
and I have
only one answer to this –
“you’ll get used to it”.
You and me –
never in love.
We learned the words of it,
but not the language
and when you looked me in the eyes
with that adorable look
that whispered how you feel,
I revealed the biggest secret –
it’s not love, my dear.

It’s just another day.

– Chatty Owl –

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DIVERSION

I can’t sleep again. It’s been the fourth night in a row now. (Well, it was more, but I’d like to document only recent extremities).

I would love to blame you for that, but you don’t exist.

My thoughts, like sirens in the sea, are luring me to toy with the rusty flow of my mind.

I need a diversion. But the problem with them is…you get involved.

– Chatty Owl –

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CALM MONDAY

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I make you believe that
I’m an open book
by making you read me
backwards –
like a cryptic countdown.
But you already know
the culminating end
will be
those peaceful, well-known words
of
“once upon a time…”
Hard covers are lying
about how tough I am
and how well I bluff
looking right at your face,
but we both can’t hide
the attraction,
that’s measured in two-tone
poker chips and
rigid paper money,
hidden in the scent of those old books.
So don’t ask me
why I continue drinking coffee –
I’m just hoping
to find you
at the bottom of my cup.

– Chatty Owl –

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IF’S, BUT’S AND EXCUSES

You grabbed my hand
to grab a bite
in that place at the end of the street,
where you sneaked in a bottle of gin
at 10 o’clock in the morning –
the same time I promised you
that
I will pickpocket the love
out of your heart
to leave you with lust
only,
as that is stronger
than emotions and money put together –
because it forms a feeling.
I gave you a taste of myself
and made you crawl for more,
but you gave me a sneak peak of your life
and made me lose interest,
even though
we never loved each other more
than we do now.
You gave me a reason,
but I gave you a solution
and then we both broke our promises…
The only thing thats left for us
is gather dust in relationships
with someone else.
Loved,
but acting so unloving –
back at them.

– Chatty Owl –

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MUSED, AMUSED

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I mused,
amused by my body
screaming “sleep, girl!”
as my mind hissed back to keep my eyes open,
in case I will see you.
I’m sure you were standing
right there in front of me in the dark,
I just couldn’t trace your contours.
You were like white letters
on a white sheet of paper.
Just the opposite.
Those little details are important,
when you care,
my darling boy,
but I ignore them.
Like smart men ignore smart women,
who are just pretending to be smart.
Everybody pretends.
And then they all get tired,
like I get tired of learning from my own mistakes.
So I just make new ones,
bigger ones this time –
hoping
it will make my past look
more decent,
more forgivable,
less shameful,
guilt free.
I despise guilt, so I steer away from it.
If I could, I would number all my men
and forget their names for good.
Names give them personalities,
and those give them power.
There is a very thin line
between control and arrogance
and that thin line is me.
I mused,
amused by the sound
of a four letter word.
And I don’t mean the rude one
that you just thought about.
The other one.

– Chatty Owl –

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RACKET

Thirty four missed calls
over
six cups of untouched coffee
and
I read the words out loud,
ignoring the brutal echo of their sound.
My hair is up
and my knees are pressed hard
against some foreign tunes in the room,
leaving me content and so peacefully happy.
I smile
as non-existing pollen makes me sneeze
eight times in a row,
reminding me that you are reading this
with me. Together.
And I enjoy
the racket of our hearts. Beating.

– Chatty Owl –

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COLD TOES

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Sometimes I wonder
why can’t I like you
more
than those stinging questions you ask,
when you know that I lie
about every letter that leaves my filthy mouth,
yet
you ask me anyway.
Empty letterbox reminds me of a promise
to be
never in need,
never in love,
but you persist stepping on my naked toes
and I keep on reminding you
that
we are just two lovers,
stuck in a daylight nightmare.

Every day is a comfort of fake and I lower my eyes, when you ask me,
will I love you tomorrow.
Silence could never be as loud.

– Chatty Owl –

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I HATE THAT MOMENT

There!
Just…right there.
Yes,
right this moment,
when warm shower becomes
a rain of scolding cold.
That moment,
when careful footsteps in the night
stop right outside your door
and
all you can do is
listen to your own scared heart-beat
and pray that you are dreaming.
Right that moment,
when you realise you lost your keys
and nobody will let you in,
because
you chose to live alone.
(Years ago).

This is that moment.

And I know
you know
the feeling
I’m talking about…
That moment,
when I realised that all these words
were not for me.

I hate that moment.

– Chatty Owl –