I have a question for you, my lovelies. The other day I had a conversation with a my very dear friend and it got me wondering. Do you approach a person that suddenly took your fancy somewhere? Are you ok at approaching strangers and letting them know that he/she caught your eye? And if you don’t, why not? Or if you do, what is usually the outcome? Just some opinions needed… I’d love to hear some interesting stories!

50 Replies to “MAGNETIC”

  1. As said by eldinsmille
    “You have one life – if you donΒ΄t take a chance to approach a person that you like, youΒ΄ll regret maybe latter when you see that person with somebody else!”
    – Brilliant start to a great thread. I hate the idea of regret. I hate regret. Rejection… not great, missing out on something AMAZING. Even worse. Just. Took my a long time (many years) and a lot of backpacking (many trips over many years) for months alone to get the balls to do it though πŸ™‚

    1. Thanks :). And I know what it’s like living with myself and I would torment myself with possible forgone scenarios. Ha

  2. I love this ‘thread’ — great one Chatty!

    Myself I’m hopeless at talking to women so I have to be in an astonishingly positive and confident frame of mind to even try to talk to one let alone ‘hit’ on her (lol – I don’t even think I know how).

    I love the idea of being able to just pay a genuine compliment and then walk away, but if they came after me to get to know me my words would probably dry up.

    Oh to be someone with confidence! But then depressive anxiety does tend to bit a bit of a disability when it comes to dealing with anyone, let alone a women I’m attracted to!

    1. I used to think “If they like me then why don’t they come and talk to me?”, my own self doubt preventing me from seeing that perhaps they were too shy too. I only realised later how arrogant of me that attitude was, and all just to mask my own shyness. So many opportunities missed!

      Now I am slowly working towards being the kind of person I want to be, confident enough to ask out a complete stranger should I feel inclined, but more that I may pass on a genuine compliment hear and there.

      The real trick I think is to not have any expectations, just be honest and be grateful. If I’m attracted to someone or pay them a compliment they don’t owe me anything, but perhaps my kind words can brighten their day, and even if they don’t feel the same way it is always nice to be told that you’re attractive (I guess so anyway — are we all really that shallow? lol)

    2. I wouldn’t call that shallow, its these tiny confidence boosters and little moments of brightening up the day! So no, i don’t think there is anything wring to say and hear that with people we don’t know.
      Not sure if you read the comments above/below, I was saying that the reason I asked this, was because I wanted to find out (mostly from men), how/why/if they talk to strangers. Because people never approach me, I was wondering, has the world become shy or should i book appointments for plastic surgery, hahahahaha.
      Anyway, im glad you are on a way to become a person you want to be. Embrace it! πŸ™‚

    3. πŸ™‚ Thanks Owl, yes I did read ‘the motivation’ and most of the other comments.

      I do think people are becoming less outgoing and more insular, we are taught to fear each other. Women especially to fear strange men approaching them, unwelcomed and unwanted.

      But if the glimpses we see of (I assume) you in your photos are any guide then I would say NO to the plastic surgeon. Perhaps it is just that the men you meet are too intimidated by a beautiful confident woman!

  3. Funny, I am not looking to meet anyone in this way – but I am a wreck even though I just want to talk…so if I wanted to meet for a hookup, well that would be hopeless, like me!

  4. Ahhh the Stories i could tell…. ( siiiighhhh)

    I think it can get easier to overcome that ‘should i or shouldn’t i’ problem as you get older, wiser and less self-doubting ( which is why confidence seems to be SO attractive to women – particularly if mixed with just a hint of modesty/sensitivity) – if only i had those qualities!

    One story i will tell which i think highlights a part of the problem with many people…

    I was at my desk at work and one of my female (married) colleagues was walking toward me down a corridor. There was just something about he way she looked – nice dress sense, nice hair, make-up etc – just ‘nice’ not dressed to kill on a manhunt kind of thing. Quite unusually for me ( i was younger and shier) i thought i would say something nice – offer a compliment – just because she had brightened my day a little without realising it or doing anything ‘special’ and i wanted to return the ‘compliment’ her appearance had given me.

    Can’t remember exactly what i said – nothing that should have been taken as anything other than ‘you look nice in that outfit today’.

    The response? “What are you after?” delivered in a tone that suggested every man wanted one thing from her and she was over it already. I felt crushed, confused and bewildered and it has made me think long and hard about doing anything similar for many years.

    I have almost recovered some 30 years later and realise that she may have not been having as nice a day as i had up until that point. I might be willing to risk a compliment – if the situation allowed/warranted it – maybe.

    Some times ladies, a guy is just trying to do something nice because something you do/did made him feel better for a time. Not all of us are selfish creeps.

    1. Oh no! How very unfortunate for you and rude of her to do so! Damn! Thats not good, crazy woman, who cant appreciate a simple honest compliment…..

  5. Men have an anxiety that women don’t have before approaching opposite sex (apart from one we all have – to be rejected) πŸ˜‰ My anxiety is immense in this regard so I do approach to fight it, prove myself I can bear through it. I look for sub-communicated cues and if those work on “my favor” i do go for it πŸ˜‰ Mostly, though, women approach me while I’m “dancing” in the club πŸ˜‰

    1. No, I really don’t think so… I just like dancing πŸ™‚ I think it’s some kind of sub-communicational cues that I like what I like even if I’m the one to like it so therefore my value rise because of this (yes, I am evolutionary/scientifically minded). I think women presume that I won’t presume their value so harshly because I don’t give a cracked penny to what others think about me – so in that respect I’m cool and safe ;). thats my hypothesis πŸ˜€

      Love your blog – I never encounter woman so confident/grounded as you (I presume from what I read in posts), which makes you an exception. I like exceptions because they fuck up data, those alike you make any study interesting πŸ˜€

    2. Wow! What a compliment! Very flattered to hear your opinion about me, I’m just wondering, how much of that is right.. Probably you were quite right about me, haha. At least about confidence πŸ˜‰

    3. Well, it’s not really an opinion – I’m just making point that if you’re confident enough to write what you write (I presume on basis of your own experience), then there is no many people like you πŸ˜‰ So in my work I would like to study people alike so the whole “average” of confidence could “go up” a bit πŸ˜‰

    4. Political Scientist in training πŸ˜‰ Now I’m working on my favorite topic of charisma and such confidence as yours is (what I consider) one of the key elements to communicate with “charisma”. So the question is – can anyone posses confidence required or do we have to go back to the point when “charisma” has to be considered as innate, mysterious and unique, in that respect, ability.

    5. I dont think charisma’s “main ingredient” is confidence. Yes, it has a lot to do with it, but i believe, that its a quality that cannot be learned, obtained or faked. Its something you have or you dont. (As opposed to confidence, which can be learned). So im sticking to the mysterious, unique and unexplained inner quality πŸ™‚

    6. Well, you may be right at the end of the day, but literature and analyzed examples of “charisma at work” suggest that the problem is the other way around – that charisma as a specific model of communicating, igniting emotional response in follower to take action is something we could design from scratch (it’s extreme, but Goebbels did that for Hitler before World War II, also today most of greatest speeches are written by consultants), but to deliver it we need someone who can (in most cases) dominate the audience, hence I stated that confidence is one of the key elements to create charisma πŸ™‚ But again – it’s work in progress, so none ultimate conclusion could be stated yet.

  6. I will almost always approach who I find attractive, especially if I sense an innate sexual submissiveness. I am sensitive to responses and will back off if the attraction is not shared. I never pursue unless I am confident

  7. I’m sometimes mildly conversational to strangers. It gets me in more trouble than I care to mention. This is the reason I’m only sometimes mildly conversational to strangers.

    1. Being mildly conversational with strangers is better than being never conversational with strangers, which leads to a conclusion that you are very wise about who you are conversational with.

  8. it’s all about confidence and a smile. Many many years ago I met my wife at a rugby party because I had a hamburger in each hand and needed to site down to eat them and the only seat happened to be at her table. Did I mention luck helps too ?

    1. Yes! Totally agree on luck and being at the right place and at the right time! And its terribly sweet to read that it worked out into something so successful! Well done!

  9. pff i daren’t unless i’ve had a great day so would be full o confidence, after two years of saying hello to other parents at school, i found out that a lady liked me all along. but it was too late by then so we jus smile the smile now lol

  10. I’ve walked up to girls – who took my fancy – at cross roads, and complimented their beauty and wished them a great day.

    Everyone of them responded with a pleasant smile and thank you.

    Perhaps they could tell from my body language that I was not hitting on them – just passing along some genuine admiration.

    One day my boss was with me – and he thought it was a nice gesture too. But he would not risk it. I was married then and still am – to the same lovely person. She laughs it off.

    I suppose this doesn’t count, huh?

    1. I agree, its easy to approach opposite sex, if its not with hidden agendas. Feels less obligatory and stress free! Its sweet to see that there are some guys who still do that! High five.

  11. I did once many years ago and it resulted in a 3 year relationship (2 of which were long distance) that ended with her cheating on me and getting pregnant and then becoming a lesbian so I don’t approach women anymore!

  12. LOL, given that 7 people liked it and only 3 of us replied, I’m thinking you have a pretty good answer there πŸ™‚ For me, the older I get, the more I care less about being ‘worried what she might think’ but two things mostly hold me back now. One, I’m married and two, I’m in a foreign country. So it’s not like I can just walk up and say “Hey, I think you are beautiful, would you like to hang out some time?” Although I’m learning my Korean pretty good >:)

    1. Ha ha! Yeah, I can see how having those two reasons might hold you back πŸ˜€ but its good to know that in general you wouldn’t let shyness/other reasons stop you! Thats the answer I wanted to know πŸ˜‰

  13. There was a period of time where I tried being more outgoing. I’d ask out random girls that caught my eye so to speak. It never ended going anywhere, but I would say that was more on me. I’ve certainly never been asked out randomly by a girl though… I dunno… I say do it! It’ll be an exciting mystery. πŸ˜€
    (we’ll need a followup of course.)

    1. But thats the whole point – to approach and not let the chance slip away! Proud of ya. In regards to me… I always approach people of my interest.. This is more of a test and curiosity about the others for me.. Because i’ll tell you one thing – men NEVER approach me. So I was wondering if i can find out the reason why haha.

    2. Really? I don’t want to believe you but you have no reason to lie, welcome to my club! I feel kind of sad about this. 😦

  14. You have one life – if you donΒ΄t take a chance to approach a person that you like, youΒ΄ll regret maybe latter when you see that person with somebody else!

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