I wait.
I pace.
I trip over my own shadow,
(deliberately),
because I want to find a reason for the pain
that lives inside me.
Memories about you
fade,
but not my anger,
that’s always present,
digging in,
like the bleakest night in arctic.
I sip cold coffee –
a reminder of those long evenings,
when you weren’t here,
and
I want to dilute my drink
with hot, salty tears,
(deliberately),
just so I could feel
some sort of taste
in this room of total confinement.
I want to hate you,
but I’m afraid
that’s too strong of an emotion,
so I just continue
to long for you,
(de-
li-
be-
ra-
te-
ly-)
because it’s more self-destructive
this way.
And i like it.
– Chatty Owl –
CHATTYOWL 
The last line adds so much to the meaning of this poem. Very well written.
we are ridiculous like this sometimes huh. we choose deliberately to prolong our pain and anger.
Its true, we do, right? Must be some hidden masochism inside us..
It always takes a friend or outside opinion sometimes to point it out when I’m doing. Save us from ourselves! 😉
You floor me…every. single. time.
Wow, you have quite a following! I’m jealous. As for your poem: I enjoy how you resist the hate. To me, hate is the best part of a break-up, but the most obvious and vulnerable.
Don’t be jealous, it can be lethal 😉
As for the poem… Hate is the strongest feeling i have ever experienced, definitely a very powerful and destructive one. So I tend to resist it. Also, it would “honour” the receiving person too much to waste energy on such a powerful emotion!
(Even though my poem is a total fiction…)
since we are making a hierarchy of emotions: my vote for the worst is Boredom (too often not seen as an emotion). And for the record: I don’t believe in “total fiction.” 😉
Do you believe in the incredible imagination?
Yes, but I also do not believe in total nonfiction either.
Well ok, total was a strong word to use. You win.
lol, thanks. I didn’t know we were in a competition. My point was that there must be some portion of you in this poem. It to works too well for there not to be.
Surprisingly enough, so very often I just imagine how it would be in a certain situation and then write about it. So of course, its me in the poem, because Im writing it, but very often emotions and feelings are faked out for artistic purposes 🙂
Of course there was a competition. Always is! Lol
Self destructive on purpose… Building personal anticipation… Better than not recognizing the opposite… Numb and oblivious… Controlled reactions and fabricated feelings are better than nothing to feel for
Replied and my comment disappeared… Hmmm. Lets try again.
I sometimes think it’s better to be numb than to waste energy on fabricated feelings. Its exhausting and totally not worth it! No?
Either way, love your thought provoking comments, my dear!
I agree… And in that case, you recognize and welcome the numbness…a worthy absence of feeling… Giving value to something most can’t handle.. Great control!
Hmmm.. Had to read that a couple of times to see if I understood it correctly. Control indeed!
How easily we sit and watch, with a morbid fascination, the things that we allow to harm us. But what do we like more, is it the cut or the sting? Anything that causes us to feel something, even if that feeling is pain and suffering. Waking up with the slow trickle of feeling we get, the hungry need satisfied (for now at least), our eyes open to see the trickle of blood, and there the blood stained knife, is it a shock or a relief to see that it rests in our own hands.
————————
Thanks Owly, you’re an inspiration 😉
Words and images form in my mind, I must write them down. Whilst hardly a rose, these words are for you.
See… The funniest thing is, I wouldn’t really know what heartbreak really is. Or this feeling of total, desperate misery. Its all fiction to me and.. Its difficult to say whats better, the cut or the sting..
Im flattered and in total awe to see that I inspire you, so a very sincere thank you is due! X
You wow me with your poetry: “tripping over your own shadow”. How do you come up with such delight? Thank you for sharing.
You should see my smile, when I read comments like these. They make me want to never stop writing.. And I dont know how words come to me, they just do 🙂 thank you, my dear!
lmao
i sip cold coffee…
i’m in a situation at the moment that’s known as heat or eat, in other words i struggle to provide both, coffee provides the heat while my daughter is at school.
but coffee goes cold quickly in a cold house, and cold coffee doesn’t heat 🙂
Haha, know exactly what you mean! Trust me! Vicious circle, haha.
🙂 what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.
…said the mouse after the dinner of poisoned cheese.
🙂
🙂
Searching the reason of pain may be painful by itself. And you feel far more of it, than the initial one in the long run.
What a great thought and insight.. But then again, if we dont search for the reason, then we stay so oblivious to the cause of the pain, which probably continue causing us pain in the future anyway!
Thanks dear! I always smile, when see somebody else liking owls. 🙂 and thanks for your praise and actually taking time to look through my blog, much appreciated!
And oh how deliberately
the word “deliberately”
is put into parentheses
hyphenated and divided
Spaced out by line breaks
Further placing emphasis
On just how deliberate it is!
Love the deliberate lines of deliberate comment! Haha. Thats great, E. Thanks.
I do what I can haha! You’re welcome.
I liked previous little bit more, I mist say! But this is good! I like the metric of it!
Thanks! Yes, the previous one was more “sharp” and powerful because if less words, but oh well.. Cant be all the time 🙂
Lovely i like poem you are fantastic…(digging in,
like the bleakest night in arctic.)
Dear greetings my friend.
Soul.