I enjoy
the sound of spilled water.
Not the one under the bridge,
but the one leaking from the sky
in the colour of dirty milk.
It soothes me.
The taste of it
reminds me of that coral sharpness
that we both feel in our throats
when I get under your skin
and
you get under my clothes –
I’m always one and a half
steps ahead of you.
Wrap up warm,
my actions sting more
than the white rain outside our windows.
– Chatty Owl –
CHATTYOWL 
Your actions sting more… ? Your words sting as well, but in a good way.
I read “your words sting more” and got scared, thinking “what did i say?” 🙂
Thanks dear, your support is always appreciated.
Pheww! Didn’t mean to scare you dear Owl.
Phew indeed 🙂
Thanks to this ‘shared’ language we have and our disparate understanding of individual words – i can sometimes miss the full intent of what is being said in your poetry – but as long as YOU are clear about what you mean (well. as clear as you wish/will let yourself be 😉 ) that is what is most important here.
I thank you though for the explanation as i feel ‘better’ about the work now 🙂
I thought you may feel that way about crying but i still bet you could have made that work well 🙂
As a ‘spur of the moment’ thing ( usually the way i write the few poems i have done) i have to say i do like all that you show here… 🙂
i have faith though that you would have the passion and the talent to be able to ‘plan’ a truly great poem should you one day take on the ‘fear’ face to face..
And Thank You ! for taking the time to stop by today! 🙂
You are most welcome – I’m glad to shed some light on how and what I write,,..
The poem has some great ideas and imagery, but i can’t help but feel it needed a little more ‘work’ to get the best out of them.
Nice to compare rain to milk, spilled milk to water under the bridge; coral sharpness to salty/sour taste in one’s mouth/throat and to the ‘sting’.
Maybe it would not ‘fit’ with your intent but i feel you missed one more connecting link that could help tie up the entire poem and make it a more cohesive whole… tears!
Tears ‘spilling’ like milky raindrops, stinging my eyes, salty taste like the coral sharpness hitting the back of our throats, water passing, not under the bridge but in rivulets of ‘pane’ as i stare through them and out to the rain.
Of course, tears may provide more of a sense of loss or weakness than was meant… but i’m sure your genius for twists could work past and through that. 😉
and with the first 2 lines… i’m not sure spilled water has a sound once it has been spilled? and there is something about having “I enjoy” as the first two words of this creation.??
Do you ever ‘edit’ your works after you write them? Do you ever draw a skeleton structure before putting down the main wording to help with keeping the poem on theme or seeing where it may be improved?
Still no pictures huh? 😉
Hey! Now that’s something to wake up to! Thanks. It thrills me to tears to see that you took time to think about my writings.
Explanations 🙂
“I enjoy the sound of spilled water” was to say that i enjoy the silence. (Hence the full stop there). Shame i didn’t make that more clear… Because exactly, spilled water has no more life left to it. Forgotten, still puddle.
Tears.. I dont like crying. Just like love, i try to not over-use references to that. But i agree with you, it would be very very fitting here!
Overall, I think all my writings have more to them, if i invested time to edit and tweak them. I have only gone back and re-wrote/edited three poems on my blog. In the end, i dont even like them anymore. I write, post and forget about them. No structure, no plan, just words at the instant moment. I should improve, i know, but im scared that if i start planning my poems, fussing with them, WORKING on them, they wont be as raw as i want them to be..
I dont know. I will give your advice a try for sure.
No, no pictures.
Reading your words always brightens my day.
Such talent Miss Owly
You sure? Thanks..
You know it’s true
Your work soothes my soul.
By itself, the white rain probably seeps into our cracked souls , absorbed… BUT…. When driven by angered winds, the pelts leave their mark…
That is why I haven’t posted, Eyagee is here lol =P
Congrats on being published that is exciting, your about page won’t load on my tablet fully, too many comments? Rain makes me want to use the restroom btw. Nice poem though!
You CANT possibly be the kind that needs a tap on to go to restroom 😛 and what does Eyagee have to do with anything? Hahaha! Seriously, dont feel obliged, dear 🙂
That guy eats dogs, he is in Korea, did you know?
I dreamed your seduction
the cold rain a tool
of steaming want
cloaked in shivering goose bumped laughter
dodging each drop
until that moment I understood
you were the seducer
Dang. I knew you’re good, but THAT good?!
🙂 every fellow like to be called good. But it was just a thought spurred by your poem.
I feel lost, lol. Wish I could understand poetry better. One of these days I’ll get the knack for it.
Now you make me doubt my abilities!
Oh! No, your abilities are fine! It’s me who is lacking. I miss subtleties quite often, I thought that would be obvious by now. Lol
No, it aint 😉
Oh, I can assure you I’m as dumb as a brick. 🙂
Shut up
This is so delicate but holds a deep fierceness that seems to want to explode. Just like that of the rain splashing against windows. Wonderfully creative analogies. You are a painter of words!
Its all because of the feedback like yours. Makes me grow.
I am happy to help you grow, :).
Id love to say the same about you.
And it does! Thank you for all of your comments and following of my work. 🙂 it’s helped a lot!
The stinger you are!
(;
I also know how to heal after stinging..
Good! If I ever get sting by a bee, I´ll call you! (;
Please do!
dirty milk and coral sharpness. i loved this.
White rain….dirty milk colour…..makes me think you are writing about snow in the slushbelt, left-over steelmill polluted air of my hometown of Hamilton, Ontario(Not the end of the earth but you could see it from there).
Wish i ever saw that type of slush! Well, i have seen it at some point in my life, but not anywhere near the end of the world! Glad i could evoke some visuals for you! 🙂
I informed the Owl that you are a Korean dog eater. 🙂
Ewww…..just….ewww…..
Lassie didn’t retire Eyagee.
Neither did Petey for that matter. Oooh, who’ll get that ancient reference….
lol, not me obviously.
Heck, technically that reference is even before my time! The Little Rascals.
You two cracked me up 🙂 dog eating korean vs angry opinionated 15-year-old-looking 😛 thanks for brightening my morning up!
Wait….which am I? Do I really look 15 years old? 🙂
You’re the dog eater of course haha
Ewww….not Korean….not a Dog eater….but given the opportunity, I like to eat Korean….. 😉
That sounded with such an innuendo! Haha.
Oh you ARE good! Few pick up on my way-too-subtle comments…. 😉
Filthy mind sees the other one quite easily 🙂
And here I had nearly given up on finding an equal 😀 We, uh…should move this somewhere else…my wife does read these comments I think :O
Ummmm i dont want any angry wives attacking me and literally eating me like a dog.
heh, not likely. She kinda leans towards veggies 🙂
Phew.