LITTLE YOU KNEW

I stood there,
waiting for you to make the first step.

Backwards.

I wanted to see your eyes glazing up
with ever-so-dark shadows of the night,
so you would blend into the night,
and I would feel less awkward
about not caring anymore.
I wanted to remind you
of all that vast number of days
I spent watching your face lit up
when I smiled at you.
Little you knew,
that I was trying so hard
to find something to smile about.

Constantly.

We played each other,
like a game of monopoly –
we built houses
and rolled the dice
to score a bigger number
against one another,
chasing money and power,
as we brushed against each other.
Like a vicious fox,
you attacked my body,
trying to get to my heart,
but little you knew,
that it was already beating passionately
in another man’s palm.

– Chatty Owl –

P.S It has been a while since I flew around WordPress. It’s good to take a break sometimes. But it’s refreshing to be back. Please be patient with me while I catch up with everybody’s blogs. But I’m excited to be back in the land of inspirational words and creativity. Missed you all.

REPRIMAND

You grab my chin and force me to look up at you. I know you know that it’s the only way you’ll get my attention.

“I like it, when you are silent and don’t say a word. Then I convince myself that you are listening”, you say.

I want to tell you that you are not wrong. Of course I listen to you. I just don’t hear your words. They aren’t important. But I don’t want to continue this conversation.

“I want you to have a future”, I change the subject calmly.
“I want you to delete your past”, you snap back hastily.

Don’t we all want the impossible…

– Chatty Owl –

AIMLESSLY

Our stories add up
like multiplying numbers –
a progression
that has no end in your mind,
but digresses in sadness
that already met its end.
Suddenly nothing sums up –
life is all about a lottery,
where
wishful thinking is a promise of better days,
but in the end…
…it’s just a useless piece of
floating paper
you throw in the air.
Aimlessly.

STRANGELY FAMILIAR STRANGERS

Mute correspondence of thoughts
gets thrown around in skies above us
and floats freely,
criss-crossing paths
with one another –
it reminds me of those days
when I just imagined you existed.

I created you
over years and years
of pre-sleep dreaming,
musing about all the things
you would do to my body.
I invented the shape of your eyes
and almost felt
the lace of my underwear
tearing,
as you undressed me
with that delirious stare
from the opposite corner of the room.

A feverish passion
scalded the inside of my veins,
and I knew
it can’t be just a temporary madness –
you were my chronic illness,
that I never wanted to be cured of.

Feeling sick to my stomach,
I put my kisses on hold
and cuffed myself
to a permanent state of confusion,
that left me light-headed and dizzy.
Just like that feeling you get,
when you dive under water
against your will,
and suddenly the fear of death
becomes a welcoming thought
of a translucent euphoria,
and all you can do is close your eyes
and faint into golden waves
of a welcoming self destruction,
that glimmers in the sun-lit-surface
of the water above you –
a surreal feeling,
that sways to the rhythm of a dying heart.

Clip-clop
Clip-clop
Clip-clop

Time trots
around gates of my guarded walls,
one second at a time,
reminding me
that every day it’s easier and easier
to guess those final words
of your noiseless sentences.

My intuition has never failed me yet,
and I know that one day
we’ll end up as strangers
on opposite sides of the road –
politely smiling,
as we pass each other every morning,
yet
we’ll be insignificant to one another.

Once all animal urges are fulfilled,
we all commute alone.

– Chatty Owl –

BITTER

You hit me
with news that squeak
like rats. Escaping.
I eye each one of them,
fighting the instinct of an inner cat
inside me.
I can’t.
I just can’t chase
every word you throw at me –
there’s too many of them
for one little me.

I’ve been given a choice
that wasn’t one after all,
so I escape too –
like the colour from a rosebud.
I know I have to leave
and drain all presence of me
into the river that’s
you –
been poisoned with other colours already,
and no matter how vivid they once were,
they are dirty brown
now.

But I’m staying pure.
White.
An antonym of this messy situation.
I’m done,
leaving you to lick your guilt
sparkling clean
yourself.

– Chatty Owl –

REVERIE

20140420-075324.jpg

Lost in your own thoughts, you were painting in a dimmed room. Clothes, covered in a rainbow of colours – tiny dots of evidence of how you transform your vision onto canvas.

You didn’t hear me enter the room. I watched you for a while, patiently waiting for you to turn around. To acknowledge me.

Grubby hands, the roughness of your fingers and the dried out paint. You grabbed me by my neck and harshly pinned me against the wall, lifting me up off the floor a little. Pure fire in both of our eyes.

I have never been kissed before. Like THIS.

– Chatty Owl –

STORY OF MY LIFE

Thirteen times loved,
I turn to face the wall,
so I wouldn’t need to witness
yet another one
falling head over heels
in love with
me.

Those carefully chosen slivers
of my life
were always purposely placed
at all the right places –
a clever subliminal advertisement,
affecting your human nature –
involuntary curiosity.

I’m not a mind reader, baby.
I’m just observant.

I flooded your life
with mysterious attention
and
I wove bits of love
around your antsy fingers,
every time our hands touched.
Again and again,
until the weight of yearning
and all this unexplainable desire
was way too difficult to handle.

I let go,
taking the warmth of my hand
with me.
You broke.
And like a vulture,
I devoured all of you into nothingness.

– Chatty Owl –

FLUSHED

I carefully pick lighthearted words
to make them drift gently,
like a transparent smoke,
where they sound all muffled
and less conspicuous.

(Unlike my feelings at the moment,
weighing heavily
in the murk of a gloomy night).

I want to fall
into this darkness of my own nightmare,
so I could chase my own footsteps
and remember the day,
when I first felt your importance
in this world.
You wore a cloak
of unapproachable air about you,
that I couldn’t stop breathing in
and out –
irony,
knowing my not-so-obedient nature.
I watched your lips move,
inventing all inaudible sounds,
that got my mind thinking
of cherry blossom trees
and maple syrup sweetness.
I stooped as low
as my pride would allow me,
but that made no difference
to how you saw me –
in awe with you.
I turned your life around,
and it reminded you
of that first flush of morning,
when I told you, that
kidnapping hearts is what I do best.
I preserve them
in faded envelopes
and empty mason jars,
making sure
I never let them beat again.
Some things are better bottled up
and hidden away
in a locked up cupboard
of secret things.

– Chatty Owl –

I MISS YOU

Your absence is not an empty room.
Instead,
it’s an all-filling feeling
of total devastation.
With you gone,
so is my ability to sleep.
You ripped my heart out
and made my lungs empty of air.
I watched myself fade,
when I sat in front of the mirror,
and I couldn’t decide,
if I’m just evaporating into thin air,
or are tiny particles of me
flying around the world,
looking for you.
You left,
and took away all my strength
that I possessed.
You left me with one thing only –
that longing feeling,
that made my chest tight,
eyes dry,
and my life empty.
I miss you,
terribly.

– Chatty Owl –

ANEW

Please,
continue stating
that you’ve forgotten about me.
I like knowing
that I’ve faded out of your mind.
It eases my guilt
and gives me a chance
to be a total stranger to you.
I wanted you to forget my face
and my voice,
so I could use mind tricks
and seduce you again.

– Chatty Owl –